DISCLAIMER: This will be very much a story told by me, so while I'm trying to summarize and edit, it's going to be long...
You're reading this blog which means you have good taste, so I can probably assume you've seen Mel Brooks films, in particular The Producers (either the newer one pictured below, or the original). But just in case you haven't (and I promise there's not judgement if you haven't) the caption on the picture is fairly self-evident. This aside/response comes just after one of the characters goes into a melt-down based on his blue-blankey....
This is what I've been wondering for the past few days. I've even expressed it aloud to some of my friends and well, the theories we've come up with are almost as amusing as the situations I've found myself in.
You're probably really confused about what I could be referring to since I'm not a Broadway producer dealing with an accountant who's having a blue-blankey-related-melt-down. Well, since I started this new job (and by new, I mean the one I've had since February) I've had my fair share of interesting personalities wander through the shop door. This ranges from some of the homeless people who can be found around the street to some apparently-upstanding-business-men. The homeless people, while being fascinating and difficult conversation partners, aren't as unexpected or worrisome as some of the other interactions I've had. I should probably preface this with letting you know that I've had little to no experience with being hit on or flirted with or just generally being the object of interest from random strangers. To give you an example of the sort of in-store interactions: there was one man who stood talking at me - particularly about the girl he was trying to buy a birthday card for with whom he'd had a falling out a year or so before - until the shop was about to close. And he wouldn't leave until I had denied (like 5 times) his offer of bringing me coffee the next time he swung by. You're probably thinking, "why would you decline coffee, it's coffee and not a date or a number or anything sketch?" and you would be right, but call me age-ist or picky (and I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely out of my depth when it comes to flirting, and as an introvert small-talk is a stretch at best) but on so many levels this certain offer for coffee was less than desirable...Fortunately the other strange interactions I've had, while being stranger in many cases, haven't been as forward and so I'm moving forward warily and mock-obliviously; ready with the excuse of a fake boyfriend (thanks to a friend who's given me permission to use him for such instances).
I have been taking all of those strange interactions and new attention in stride, but on Sunday afternoon something happened that made stop and wonder if all of these goings on have more to do with me than I thought.
I was heading out to write letters and try out a new coffee shop in town when, while sitting at a stop sign at the edge of my neighborhood, a young man on a bicycle waved and walked up to my window. I thought "maybe he needs directions", and cracked my window to hear him. He introduced himself and asked some strange questions - none of which were direction related, but they were about the general area, and so I thought I might yet be helpful. At this point I noticed that he was slightly foaming at the corners of his mouth. Which is off-putting, for sure, although maybe it's because he was out for a bike ride on a hot day...The questions then turned more specifically to me - my height, my ethnicity - and the information he gave changed to the fact that he likes tall girls, he last dated a girl who was 6'1"...Just when I was getting more and more awkward with the situation and trying to find a way out, he asks for my number. Thankfully my mind didn't skip a beat and I replied that he couldn't have it as I was headed to meet my boyfriend for lunch. And just when I thought that this would mean he'd move along and I could safely pull out of my neighborhood and on my way, he starts asking about this boyfriend. The "best" part of this whole interaction came when I discovered that he's not so good with geography. He asked where this boyfriend was from, and based on the friend who gave me permission to use him as a scapegoat, I said he was from Oregon, and he asked:
"is that in California?",
"No."
"Is it in the US?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, but I'm going to be late, I need to get going"
"Can I give you my number, and we keep in touch?"
"Sorry, no. I'm really going to be late, I have to go."
And after a strange goodbye I drove off thinking: "how do they find me?!?"
So that's what I have since asked several friends, and mostly the consensus is that I must look friendly, or am too nice, or something. Which I'm glad of; I'd rather look friendly than look snotty or something. But if I look friendly, then why don't non-creepers try to talk to me? Why is it exclusively people who give me the heebie-jeebies? One friend jokingly (I hope) suggested that they aren't creepers, I'm just sorely incapable of correctly understanding their motives...and hey, admittedly I do not understand men, so that might be part of the case. That line of thought made me then start theorizing that perhaps it's not that I attract creepers, but that somehow in conversation with me perfectly normal gentlemen turn into creepers. Oh well, whatever it is I figured you, dear blog-reader, had a right to know. I hope you're giggling or guffawing (or just laughing, in whatever form) along with me. Because at the moment that's all I've been able to do in response.
Feel free to add your suggestions as to why I'm finding myself increasingly in this strange situation in the comments below. Do you agree with my friend that I'm just misinterpreting things? Or do you think that perhaps I should have been bolder/braver/less picky? Or am I too nice, and I shouldn't have event cracked my window as some people have suggested? Also feel free to share your strange or exciting interactions/flirtations. Or, if you have them, stories of awkward interactions/introductions that have turned into the beginning of something amazing.
I'm not the object of attention too often myself and that's including from before I got married. I don't get flirted with in nice ways at least it hasn't happened pleasantly on more than maybe one occasion that I can recall. I find that more often than not I am harassed on the street whether by cat-calling or rude greetings and some of these men if they are ignored become more hostile and call me the "B" word and that happens more often than you'd think. Now,as to the man in the coffee shop that was definitely flirting that went over your head lol.
ReplyDeleteThe man on the street was harmless enough I mean there's nothing wrong with asking someone for directions. However, I do suggest that if they don't get to the point within the first 2min of the conversation you make an excuse to drive away whether it's a real excuse or not. I don't think we "attract" them and I don't believe it to be a naive action on our parts. I just find that if you're a nice person or can be perceived as nice by a stranger you're more likely to get approached by the desperate.