baby steps...

Learned an interesting lesson this weekend as I was playing with my friend and her 8 month old. His name is Max and he's adorable. He's growing up so fast - or so it feels - but he still wants to be further along than he should be. It was interesting to watch him this weekend, he can stand up on his own for about a second or two, but then because he's not sure if he can, he leans/reaches for something to hold on to which send him falling back down. But on the other hand he also tries to start walking, and gets so frustrated with himself that he can't yet. It's like he's seen everyone else walk that he thinks he can but then gets upset that he can't yet. In the moment his mom and I laughed and shook our heads and kept our hands nearby while he was trying to stand up, but since then I've been thinking about how much like that we all are. How we so desire to be further along than we should be - not being patient or gracious with ourselves - how we endeavor to do things we think we can do without all of the hours of practice before - and therefore, before we should be able to do them - how we get to a place of being able to accomplish something and then think that we need something to hold on to; and fall while we're reaching out for it - but all the while God's laughing and shaking his head and keeping his hands nearby, and loving us like the Heavenly Father He is. What an amazing reminder.

This last week I spent too much time thinking about the "what ifs..." of my Visa application not being approved. There's still that possibility, but because I wasn't seeing any action going on I started to worry, to cling to something else and to lose focus. This weekend I was blessed with some wonderful distractions of friends and was reminded just where my focus should be. The focus that enables me to both hope for an approved Visa and not be worried if it doesn't get approved. The focus that lets me enjoy the present and not dwell on the negative or scary or what I've occasionally titled "practical" what-ifs. I wish that I could say that all of this insight came before I had any physical proof - alas it did not. I got this morning the email that said: "Dear, Applicant, your application has been assigned to an Entry Clearance Officer for assessment and consideration against the United Kingdom Immigration Rules". Which is wonderful and hope giving, but the cool thing is that I can see the process I was brought through this last week and weekend of learning some of these insights so that - as this process has been so far - this whole going to school in Scotland thing will continually be a learning, growing, testing, changing, and all around wonderful (in that it's full of wonder and a more traditional connotation of wonderful) and good (in both the eat-your-veggies, and happy- good).